One thing that brings me a great deal of pain is when I am criticized. I grew up as President of the PPS. It stands for the Perfectionist Professionals Society. Essentially, every thing that is within me tells me I can’t fail, I can’t make a mistake. I must be perfect. Failure is only for the weak. I must be strong.
So you can only imagine the pain that comes upon me when I’m criticized. It’s like my very essence is under condemnation. It breaks me. I come undone.
I’ve dealt with this issue on so many occasions and have often thought I’d dealt with it and had overcome it. Then BAM someone new comes into the picture and pushes that button and I fall apart.
Today has been one of those days.
Someone pushed my button and a litany of “wrongs” I’d committed. In some counseling I’d received, I remember him telling me I can’t always take things “personally.”
Sounds good, right?
Hard to do? You bet. Especially when someone is critical of you.
I praise God for the lesson I learned from my father, to think before I speak. I don’t always follow this practice, but thankfully, I managed to do it somewhat in this situation. Not as well as I would like to, but at least it’s progress.
I also hate the fact that when I’m upset my neck and face get red. It happens when I’m embarrassed too.
Oh the joys of being fair-skinned. Ugh!
Getting back to the not taking it personally–when someone is talking about you and something you did or didn’t do, something you said or didn’t say, or heck, even their own assumptions–how can you not take that personally?
HEY! GUESS WHAT? IT IS PERSONAL! So I’m going to take it personally.
Of course, I do think you have to factor in the person who is doing the talking. What are they afraid of? What will they gain by cutting you down, criticizing you or hurting you? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Does it make them feel more powerful?
I suppose there are a number of answers to these questions. But they are worth asking.
Another nugget of advice I received from a friend once was when someone is critical of you, listen to what they have to say, examine it, see if there is any truth to it, and if there is, then great, learn from it. And then let the rest just fall away. Much like the grain and chaff philosophy in the Bible.
He is ready to separate the chaff from the grain with his winnowing fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, storing the grain in his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire.
Matthew 3:12 NLT
Lord, if there is something I can learn from this, then show me. Allow me to let the chaff burn away so I’m left with a compassionate heart.
Tags: criticism, bible, Matthew 3:12, faith, hope